It’s been a while since I shared in my Social Adventures series, so here’s a random amalgam from a successful attempt last night. I promise no great insight, just mild amusement. Off we go.
I attended a fun Hollywood party last night for a magazine at an event called “So Sexy” (yes, legitimately, the name) intended to be for the young and attractive in Hollywood. It certainly was, with gorgeous, stab-yourself-in-the-face-because-you’ll-never-look-like-them people everywhere. It was a great and fun time and a great venue, very well done by the magazine. However, the highlights for me personally (being the slightly twisted people watcher that I am) were as follows:
1) The incredibly long line for the red carpet.
This happens at lots of events. It’s part of the process. (that we did not do.) What made it AWESOME was the increasing level of attitude, indignation and general bitchiness from those waiting to do the red carpet. Not the legitimately famous people, you know the ones, with a talent, that they are known for, which they actually do well. No, it was all of the others.
Dear not-actually-famous people: a) they don’t need to take your picture. b) you don’t need to have your picture taken. c) that magazine employee, PR company intern is not actually going to do their job faster or better because you express repeatedly how annoyed you are at them for the process taking so long. Believe me, they want you gone faster than you want to be gone.
2) The entire cast of Van Der Pump Rules was present (except for Jaxxxxx – how many Xs are there? – who rumor has it, and by rumor, I mean someone said they heard from someone who was there with a friend of a girlfriend of a PA on the show, was unavailable because he was getting a nose job. WHAT?! Awesome. Can’t wait for it be unveiled on the next season of Van Der Pump Tolerates The Worst People In The Entire World Who All Sleep With Each Other Because That’s What Pretty Awful Pretty People Do.)
3) A girl actually said, mid-sentence “Be Right Be”. As in, not “Be Right Back” or “BRB” as in text speak, but a weird awful slangy mixture of both. I hate love her so much.
4) A stunningly beautiful girl stood in front of me and awkwardly adjust one of her breasts. Then she reached in her top and adjusted it further. I surmised (correctly) that she was adjusting padding. “Problem with your chicken cutlets?” I asked knowingly. Wide eyed, she laughed, “Yes, it’s slipping!” Nodding I offered, “take them out then!” “I should,” she said wistfully. “Do it, I’ll stay close, know one will see, and you will be free!” And then we did. Just that. And she yanked them out, waived them around laughing and handed them to her friend. Obviously I’m in love with her. Remember kids, it’s all smoke and mirrors. (She’s still a 17 on the 1-10 scale of pretty, or “So Sexy” though, cutlets or no.)
5) In the “not famous at all, but pretty enough to figure out how to get invited” category, there seems to be a direct skirt length and tightness to brain power ratio. I don’t have the exact formula down, but yeah, wow, some pretty people really haven’t gotten to the “some day your looks will fade” realization.
6) This was said, during the cutlets adventure. “Oh, I could introduce you to my doctor. He’s actually here. (looks around) Right here. (points)” We did not need to ask. Her plunging V-neck dress and gravity-defyingly perky breasts made it very clear. THAT doctor. Sweet of her to offer though.
7) Aaron Samuels was there. I mean, I know he has a real name, but he’ll always be Aaron Samuels to me.
8) So was Barbie Jesus from the Real Housewives of Orange County. I do not know her name. Still. And I’m okay with that.
9) Nearly the entire cast of Hit The Floor was present, and they spent a massive portion of the evening tearing up the dance floor, truly not caring about looking right and being seen, and I love them so much for it.
10) There is nothing more entertaining than watching people trying to figure out if someone is famous, “famous” or just attractive without actually staring at them. It can involved a weird amount of sideye staring, scanning back and forth without stopping entirely too many times, or the awkward walking back and forth in front of them too many times without any apparent reason to do so. People are hysterical.
10) It’s possible that we walked the red carpet on our way out only so we could do “weird douche guy” pose and then “girl who learned to pose from America’s Next Top Model: The Porn” pose. Because people who take themselves too seriously trying to get their picture taken are amazing.
Okay, that was the highlight reel from the ridiculous people. They aren’t actually even the people it’s supposed to be about, but they are the reason you can always be sure any Hollywood shindig will be a good time. The magazine threw a fantastic event filled with a great group of great-looking people. I had highly entertaining conversations with smart and interesting people I didn’t know, which is always a bonus. This is not always the case. When doing events, I take a “hope for the best, but prepare for the worst people in the world to make it the best” approach. This was a win on both.